Growing up, I watched Popeye, and his famous line stuck with me: “I am what I am and that’s all that I am. I am Popeye the Sailor Man.” Popeye was confident in who he was—a sailor, and for him, that defined everything. When faced with conflict, whether with Bluto or over Olive Oyl, Popeye’s secret weapon was opening a can of spinach, eating it, and gaining the strength to defeat his adversary. I grew up hearing people use the same line: “That’s just how I am.” It was their way of explaining their actions, often as a reason not to change.
But here’s the thing—I believe Popeye understood something crucial: the 3 P’s—Position, Potential, and Process. He knew his position as a sailor. He understood the potential spinach held to give him strength, and he followed a simple process: when faced with conflict, he opened a can of spinach, ate it, and became powerful enough to defeat Bluto.
Now, I applaud Popeye for knowing exactly who he was. He had confidence, knew where to draw strength from, and was resourceful in tough situations. He cared about Olive Oyl, and he was determined to protect her. But I can’t help but wonder: Was this always the wisest approach? Was his method of conflict resolution—just opening a can of spinach and physically overpowering his opponent—always the best choice?
The truth is, it’s easy to say, “I am the way I am,” and use that as an excuse to avoid owning our actions, especially when dealing with conflict. Whether with a coworker, a spouse, or a friend, is that excuse really acceptable? Much of how we respond to conflict is shaped by the culture we grew up in, the life experiences we’ve had, and the lessons we’ve learned along the way. But knowing who we are isn’t enough. We also need to understand our triggers and blind spots. Without this awareness, conflicts can escalate into defensiveness, and we might misuse the very potential we have to resolve things peacefully. We can lose sight of what truly matters in the heat of the moment.
Instead of leaning into the mindset of “I am what I am,” try asking yourself, “What do I want most in this situation?” What is truly important—being right, or finding a solution that everyone can work toward? Not every conflict will turn out positively, because, after all, conflict isn’t a solo dance. There’s always another person involved, and while you can’t control their response, you can control your own.
So, the next time conflict arises, take a moment to reflect on your position, potential, and process. Think beyond just defending your stance. Focus on what you truly want to achieve, and approach the situation with curiosity and a willingness to listen. By doing so, you can transform conflict into an opportunity for growth, connection, and understanding.
- How often do I rely on the excuse of “I am what I am” to avoid taking responsibility in conflicts, and what impact does that have on my relationships?
- What triggers or blind spots do I need to be more aware of when dealing with conflict, and how can I address them to approach situations more thoughtfully?
- When conflicts arise, do I focus on being right, or do I prioritize finding common ground and mutual understanding? How can I shift my approach to foster more constructive outcomes?
