Recently, I sent an email to a colleague. In my mind, it was flawless. Clear. Direct. Impossible to misunderstand. An hour later, the reply came back… confused.
My first reaction was mild irritation. I remember thinking, How is this unclear? Instead of responding, I paused and reread the email. Full transparency, I wasn’t rereading it to learn. I was rereading it to prove I was right.
So I read it again, this time through the lens of the person receiving it. And there it was. An email that made perfect sense to me and absolutely no sense to anyone else.
Once again, my implied communication had quietly taken the lead. And that’s when I had to ask myself where this habit even began.
Like most things, it started at home.
Growing up in my household, communication with my mother often felt like a game of charades. For those who grew up with this communication style, this may sound familiar. If she needed something, her instructions were vague. “Hey, can you get me that thing that’s on top of that thing over in that room.” If I looked confused, she would guide me with a subtle lip gesture, turning it into a scavenger hunt.
Over time, I learned how to decode her cues. I understood the tone, the gestures, the pauses. In our home, much was communicated without being fully said. That style worked because we shared the same context, culture, and expectations.
What I did not realize until much later was that this way of communicating did not translate well outside of my home.
Communication styles are often shaped early in life. Some of us communicate directly and concisely. Others are expressive, relational, or implied. When I began working with people from different backgrounds and personality styles, I noticed something important. What felt clear to me felt confusing to others. I was reading between the lines while they were waiting for the lines to be spoken.
Tools like the DiSC personality assessment helped put language to what I was experiencing.
How Different Communication Styles Hear and Speak
People with a Dominance style value clarity, speed, and results. They communicate directly and expect the same in return. When messages are implied or indirect, they may feel slowed down or frustrated.
Those with an Influence style communicate with enthusiasm and storytelling. They value connection and energy. When communication is overly brief or strictly task focused, they may feel dismissed. When structure is missing, key details can get lost.
A Steadiness style communicates thoughtfully and relationally, with a focus on harmony. They listen carefully and avoid conflict. Abrupt or unclear communication can cause them to withdraw or feel uncertain about expectations.
Those with a Conscientiousness style value precision and accuracy. They prefer clear instructions and complete information. Implied communication can feel stressful, as assumptions create uncertainty.
None of these styles are wrong. They are simply different.
Where Style Clashes Create Friction
This is where communication challenges show up most clearly in leadership and teams.
A leader who values speed may grow impatient with someone who asks clarifying questions or wants to slow down for accuracy. Meanwhile, the person asking questions believes they are protecting quality and preventing mistakes. Both believe they are being responsible.
Without shared understanding, one feels blocked and the other feels rushed. These mismatches often lead to frustration, rework, and strained relationships, not because people are unwilling, but because communication styles are misaligned.
Awareness Changes Everything
Working with a diverse team made me more aware of how my own communication habits shaped outcomes. Understanding my team’s communication styles, especially those who process information carefully and methodically, became essential.
There were moments when I felt frustrated, convinced I had been very clear. But when I reread an email through the lens of the person receiving it, I could see the gaps. What felt obvious to me was not clear for someone who needed more structure or detail.
I learned that clarifying questions was not resistance. They were requests for alignment. When someone needed things spelled out, it wasn’t a lack of intuition. It was simply a different way of processing.
Over time, I learned to slow down, review my communication before sending it, and invite clarification. Simple questions like, “Is there anything that needs more detail?” shifted the dynamic.
While my default style still shows up at times, I no longer assume understanding. I create space for it.
As Erin Meyer notes in The Culture Map, the way we are conditioned to see the world feels so obvious that it is difficult to imagine another way of doing things. The same is true with communication styles.
Communicating More Effectively Across Styles
Awareness alone is not enough. Effectiveness comes from adapting communication so it can be received.
- With those who value speed and results, lead with the bottom line. Be clear about decisions, outcomes, and timelines, then offer details as needed.
- With those who value connection and energy, engage relationally and allow space for dialogue, followed by brief written summaries to anchor key points.
- For those who value steadiness, clarity and reassurance matter. Explain the why behind decisions and allow time for questions.
- For those who value accuracy, structure and specificity are essential. Clear expectations reduce stress and improve execution.
Flexing communication does not mean losing your voice. It means adjusting delivery so your message lands.
Many workplace challenges are not caused by lack of effort, but by lack of alignment. When expectations are implied instead of clarified, work gets redone. When details are assumed instead of confirmed, mistakes happen. When styles clash, people assume poor intent where none exists.
Practical Takeaways for Leaders
Leaders can move from awareness to action with a few simple practices.
- Practice style awareness. Before communicating, consider how the other person best receives information.
- Be intentional in written communication. Use clear subject lines, simple structure, and explicit next steps. Clarity helps everyone.
- Structure meetings with purpose. Begin with the goal, allow space for questions, and close by summarizing decisions and responsibilities.
- Communication clarity is not a soft skill. It is operational efficiency. Clear communication reduces friction and helps teams move forward faster.
Moving Past Communication Barriers
Communication shapes how we interact with spouses, children, colleagues, and teams. Each of us brings our upbringing, culture, and personality into every conversation.
The goal is not to change who we are, but to become aware of how others receive information.
When we stop assuming and start asking, we move from frustration to understanding. From feeling misunderstood to building trust. Awareness gives us options. It allows us to adapt without losing ourselves.
